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| Second-Line Caregiving: Filling in the Care Gaps on the Patient and the Caregiver |
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| They are spouses, friends, neighbors – and sometimes strangers – who support primary caregivers in thousands of ways, doing what may seem like little things to them but mean the world to us. |
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They listen, provide bandaids to our booboos, pitch hit, run errands, make calls, send emails, cook and on and on… they are a major part of our Care Team but too often not a major part of the recognition we get as caregivers – and they need to be.
Keith, Pat, John, and Trish: You’re helping us more than you know. We are very thankful. |
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| Celebrating Our Second-Line Caregivers This Fall |
| Keith, 47, is a second-line caregiver for a coworker and friend. “Well,” he says modestly, “I guess I am her caregiver backup, but in an informal way. It started out where a friend at work needed me to cover for a half-hour while she left early. I said ‘Sure, no problem.’ I didn’t even ask any questions. But then it happened a couple of times, and finally I said ‘What’s going on?” When she told me that her husband was diagnosed with cancer and she had to take him in for chemotherapy, I sat down with her, let her have a good cry, and we built a little schedule of what needed to be done when. That way we knew where coverage would be needed. She was scared to lose her job, especially with her husband taking off work and lots of people wanting her position. She’s a really valuable coworker and we want to keep her in the department. I didn’t mind pitching in, but I wanted a schedule too so I could plan for myself. We worked it out. She keeps telling me I’m a lifesaver and a good listener, but I don’t think I’m doing anything special except keeping things going. Plus, seems like this could happen to any one of us tomorrow.”
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| Pat, 33, takes care of the kids while the neighbor, a single mom, takes care of her dad. “Those three kids are a handful. I just don’t know how she does it by herself,” says Pat. “I’ve always wanted to help her out but didn’t really know how. She was reluctant to ask for assistance at all. Then one day I saw her nearly collapse carrying in groceries. I live next door and rushed over, grabbing them out of her hands and steadying her. I felt a little like I was butting in, but frankly she needed it. I told her that the kids were playing in our yard that night, and she was taking a bath or reading or napping or whatever she needed to do to get herself rested. Now they’re over here once a week, and she can do what she needs to do for a few hours. I check on her, help out with anything she remotely mentions. She was getting really burnt out, but I know that having this time alone is helping her out immensely.” |
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John, 42, generously provided a place to stay for a visiting caregiver taking care of her brother. “We had known each other for decades,” he says. “I knew her family and was happy to offer her a place that was close but not in the thick of things. She could escape and be here without paying for a hotel room. It didn’t cost me any more because she paid for her expenses. Plus, we got to reminisce and catch up with other old friends. I think that was a little bit of an escape for both of us.”
Trish, 68, took over church responsibilities for her girlfriend. “It didn’t seem like much, but the church needed the volunteering. Plus, plenty of the parishioners wanted to help out the family when they heard her daughter got sick. It was like I was the perfect person to step in and help. I knew the family and I knew what to do at the church office. I could plan extra services or collections for the family. I wanted to make sure my friend had a little more time to help her daughter and a little more money – and the church prayers didn’t hurt either. Sometimes I’ll go check on her daughter for her just to give her some free time, too. We like watching out for one another.”
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